Knowing Oneself

"There are no pacts between Lions and men....You won't have eyes tonight, you won't have ears or a tongue. You will wander the underworld blind, deaf and dumb and all the dead will know; This is Hector, the fool who thought he killed Achilles."
- Myrmidon Achilles (Troy)

As thoughts break free, how do you react?

These few days are turning out to be a good test. It is at times like these that you must be mentally very strong. As the mind is relaxed, it is bringing to you many possibilities. All of these possibilities have positivity attached with them. However, you are aware of the fact that some possibilities are, well, not entirely feasible considering how things are playing out right now. Encouraging your mind in a given direction might not be the right thing to do. You consciously decide to be mindful of this but at times, it is difficult to take your mind off the direction. What do you do?

Force yourself to think otherwise? Despise yourself? Get angry at yourself? Punch?

Accept. Accept what you feel. Accept that there are possibilities. Accept that your mind is engaging itself in these possibilities. If you think it is not the right way to go, make a decision not to go this way. You are strong enough to respect the decisions you make. The point is, there is no use forcing yourself against something that is hardwired inside you, something that is natural. If you force yourself, you will not be able to learn how your mind behaves in certain situations. You will not be able to train your mind to be strong, to make the right decisions at times that matter.

15th August, 2009

Let us not forget that freedom and independence comes at a great expense.
Let us not forget how united we were 62 years from today.
Let us not forget the strength that lies within this unity.
Let us not forget the heroes that took the initiative.
Let us not forget the heroes that continued inspite of the massacre.
Let us not forget the heroes that became martyrs with smiles.
The smiles were not of insanity.
The smiles were of trust.
They trusted with the fruits of their sacrifice.

Let us remember our strengths, let us always work on improving our weaknesses.
Let us have more knowledge of the mistakes of the past.
Let us utilize the power of memories.
Let us fire ourselves up with the power of positive emotion.
Let us keep moving.
Let us create a stronger, newer generation that can respect and uphold our traditions.
Let us always be confident, calm and alert.
Let us uphold respect,
Let us uphold peace,
Let us uphold unity.

शुरा सौ पहचानिये
जो लद्दे दिन के हित
पुर्जा पुर्जा कुठ पड़े
कब हो न चाडे खेत,

जो तौ प्रेम खिलन का चाहो,
सीर धर थली गली मोरे आवो।

shura = brave
pehechaniye = know, characterize
jo = one who
lade = fights
deen = poor, unfortunate
kay hait = for the purpose of
purja = part
kath pade = cut down
tab ho = even then
na chaade = doesn't leave
khait = field
jo tau = if you
prem = love
khilan = game
ka chaho = want of
sir = head
dhar = present
thali = hatheli = palm of hand
gali = way, street
morai = mine
aavo = come


A brave person is known as one who fights for the unfortunate. His body gets cut to pieces, but he refuses to retreat from the battle.
If you decide to fall in love with this game, you shall be knocking on my door with your head on your palms.

Closed quarters combat.

"85" he said. But then after a couple seconds he saw and it wasn't 85 so he said, "Wait, its 90."
He didn't get a response.

He was wondering why not and he realized it wasn't 90 anymore. So he said, "Wait, its 95."
No response.

"Three figures?" he asked. And ofcourse it happened. So he said, "110"
There was a smile but a very indifferent sort of smile.

It was now time to close the quarters.
He pulled the blade down. It was shining very elegantly in the moonlight.
This was now his space.
A place that would not vent anything except for that distinct thumping sound he was hearing.

He was wondering what the smile could have meant when it was time for an update.
He made sure he was reading the figure correctly. He said, "160"
The quarters were now getting uncomfortably warm.
Now he was consciously hesitating to look.

What he saw raised his eyebrows.
He could still hear that sound, although a lot more clear this time.

Finally he exclaimed in disbelief, "What, 179? Is this a dream or one of those multidimensional theory jokes?".....

.....And god said, "288. No, it's not a dream. And god forbid you take it as a joke."

and there was light.

Hope are the shield; Memories become the sword

and he realized….
There were times summers really existed;
when he spent them playing cricket in the scorching sun.
He doesn't see summer anymore,
There's only video games and air conditioned 'fun.'

He remembers times called winters, when
he slept under a blanket within the chilled walls of the den,
Ain't nothing a winter,
when you ask mercy of an electric heater.

He remembers times that they called monsoons;
Them rain drops used to come and make him play,
Like a three year old child
splashing and screaming in the puddles of clay.
The streets came alive as water gushed down the hose,
Moms yelled, “Come back, or you’re sure to run your nose.”
Friends rolled along; no matter what age we belonged!

Then time rolled,
and the world turned,
and people changed…..

Them rain drops still shower, and the winds still blow,
He recalls memories of the distant lands and lets his eyes flow
He has no more puddles, just a neat and cozy room now,
No more old time friends as he looks out of the window.
A wet street outside, drenched in rain as he blinks;
No live motion at sight but a couple of cars, he thinks,
"Wow, now I don't even get monsoon here, it stinks!"

He remembers the friends he made;
Friends he made with the innocence of childhood,
Not with mature choices;
Mature choices always only made business partners.

He is thankful for getting this Promised Land,
But wishes he could get back to Her at the end.
What he had borrowed at the start out of Her is Hers.
There will be a lot that he will earn
from the little he had borrowed with his little hands.
He is sure mother will be proud when he returns,
with all heart and the elements that belong to her lands.

As Temporary Times Unfold.....

So music really inspires me. This is something that I really can't explain. Five minutes ago I was thinking of writing something over here and I put it off as I really didn't want to do it. Right now I am listening to songs from Rang De Basanti and I can't stop writing. It's just something that puts me in a world that is mine. It is ridiculously relaxing. All I can feel right now is the enjoyment I get from the music. I am guessing that's why my people believe music is very close to God. I don't really know what I want to write right now. I am recalling a scene that happened a year from now. It was a normal day. We went to school and sat in one of the lecture halls to study as we didn't have any room in the library. Anand then comes up with this thought that after two years we will all be on our separate ways and we might not be able to see each other. I am smiling right now thinking of it. There was a time in India when I was with Dhvanil and Nisarg watching the movie. We were wondering whether it could really happen to us. This moment was exactly like the one that took place today. Less than a year after that, it was decided that I am going to USA. When Anand told me that sentence, I was completely indifferent. I didn't want that to happen, but I did not want to say anything about it either. I told him that I might not even be alive after two years.

Why does money have to be so important that you have to lose your best friends and life for it?These moments that I am going through with my friends right now will never be available to me again. How will I feel when I think about these times ten years from now? Anand asked me to promise me that I will keep in contact. "Keeping in contact" doesn't mean anything to me. Lol, I am still in contact with Gagan, Dhvanil and Nisarg, am I not? But its never the same. Its never going to be the same. Its all because of money. Money kills. At least I have my family that will be with me until the end.

Wow, listen to this....

......मेरी पतंग हो बेफिकर उड़ रही है माँ
डोर कोई लुटे नहीं, बीच से काटे ना.....

I think this man is trying to emotionally take over me or something. A.R. Rahman is the pinnacle of music. Really! Music can change my mood tremendously. Why can't I make music like this when I grow up? I can't see anything like that anywhere in my future. But I hope I will make music like this when I grow up. And once I do it, I hope it will impact someone like it has impacted me now. Not because I want money or fame or anything material out of it. But just because it's the best feeling. I want that person to experience what I am experiencing right now. You really have to be lucky to go through what I am going through right now and I thank God with all my heart for everything.

"Fight" has always been the answer

है लिए हथियार दुश्मन ताक में बैठा उधर,
और हम तैयार हैं सीना लिए अपना इधर,
ख़ून से खेलेंगे होली ग़र वतन मुश्किल में हैं,
सरफरोशी कि तमन्ना अब हमारे दिल में है।

The Master Chief is not fearless. He fears a lot of things. But he has the ability to fight his fears and achieve his mission inspite of the fear in his mind. He is scared that he will have to spend his and his Spartans' lives for the mission. He is afraid that his mission might be left incomplete. He is afraid that he has never seen defeat and one of these days, defeat will show it's face and he does not know how horrible it will be. But execution of the mission overrules everything. He somehow manages to completely erase these fears off his mind and gets back on mission. He has never seen defeat and he will never allow defeat to show it's face.

Once you imagine a goal, you decide or get help deciding whether it is right or wrong. Once you have decided what is right for you, you fight to execute it, or die trying. It sounds simple and difficult at the same time. The fight is always a fight for determination. Determine yourself to not take your mind off your goal. You can achieve only if you can determine. Thus "Fight" for determination has always been the answer to my questions. But it is indeed a very hard fight to put up. This is a challenge we all face. Only those who execute determination emerge out of the crowd.

वंदे मातरम

तू ही जिन्दगी है,
तू ही मेरी मुहब्बत है,
तेरे ही पैरों में जन्नत है,
तू ही दिल, तू जान,
माँ,
माँ तुझे सलाम