Where is that "right" feeling? That feeling is hidden in what your self does over the day. The feeling is hidden in how content you are with yourself and your surroundings. You want to change your ways, dust away the cloud of fake that's around you. You want to experience the original you. You sit back and think of when and how things started changing, where the discontent cropped up. You can't find an answer. It's tough to change yourself all by yourself. You feel like you need a guru. Someone who you can just blindly throw your weaknesses on and ask them to never give them back to you and train you to stay away from them. But there is no guru. Maybe there is, but nothing quite obvious at hand.
You have the mind. Control your actions using your mind. You are the mind. You are unhappy because your mind and your actions are in contradiction. Your mind knows what work is right. Your mind also has a lot of options to choose from. All it takes is a persistent no to the actions that are unnecessary and a sincere yes to the actions that are to be executed. Mute yourself. Stop talking. Stop wasting extra energy thinking about the future or the past. Indulge yourself in your mind. Dig through those nickels. The quarter is there. You know its there because you remember counting exactly 5 dollars and not 4.75 before you threw that pile in your pocket. You pull out a bunch of em, look at em in the palm of your hand, simple yes/no answer. If you haven't found the last quarter yet, dump the handful and go again.
Free your mind from everything but the quarter. This is not a tough task. It just takes a firm, sincere, and an honest NO.
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